Pooh Bearers

Modesty is a virtue, and at its best a quintessentially British one. As a trait it sometimes borders on a lack of self-esteem or nervousness, but better this than being seen as brash or boastful.

A good, and relevant, example of British modesty is played out every day on campsites throughout Europe. When Mr England needs to visit the toilet block all manner of inventive deceit is employed as he calculates the exact number of two-ply sheets he will need to complete his ablutions before secreting them about his person or interleaving them into his copy of the Daily Mirror. Then off he sets on the lonely walk, looking down at his deck-shoes trying to exude nonchalance. Now our Scandinavian cousins are a lot less bashful about nudity and bodily functions, and off they stride with the whole toilet roll tucked unashamedly under one arm and a placard in the other hand proclaiming boldly "Going for a Shit!"

Closer to home however, I have noticed a worrying trend towards faecal indifference, albeit in the name of environmental correctness. Every morning this country now bears witness to an unfeasibly large number of dog owners walking along quite brazenly swinging a transparent plastic sandwich-bag full of dog shit. Without even the slightest hint of embarrassment! It is almost as if the thought of not having allowed their dog to foul the pavement fills them with such civic virtue that it blocks out the glaringly obvious. That they are walking around, smiling and carrying a bag of warm pooh!

Now what is this country coming to when you can regularly do this and still be taken seriously?